I can’t get enough of this story of outrageous exhibitionism: A couple of days ago, a very naughty couple were cautioned by the police for having sex on the lawn (see above) at Windsor Castle—while the Queen was in residence, no less! According to the Sun newspaper: “They stripped for action after an all-day booze bender in which they sank Champagne and wine in the Royal town’s bars.” They were watched by over 100 people for twenty minutes, including some Japanese tourists who filmed the action on their video cameras. Finally, armed Royal Protection Squad officers stopped them, while they were still in the act, and took them down to the station.
Now, cruelly (or not, depending on one’s desire for fameball status), the Sun has identified the pair as Phil Carden and Joy Taylor, and published their pictures all over the newspaper. That’s right, just to make sure everyone knows exactly who they are. In today’s edition, the reporter interviewed Joy’s next door neighbor (oh, and Joy is American, by the way), revealing that the neighbor has to close her window during the summer because Joy is so loud in bed.
Oh the shame! Not.
Now, I’m pretty lucky nothing like this has happened to me. Lord knows, it could have. I have found that it is easy to get caught up in the moment: Last summer, for example, Kate and I nearly got caught by a police patrol having sex on a public beach in New Jersey.
How on earth did this happen, you may ask?
Well, it was midnight, and the beach was deserted. We were—yay—a little tipsy and, after finishing a bottle of champagne we nestled up in each other’s arms on a towel watching the waves crash ashore. We were right in the middle of the beach, and we determined that this would be the perfect place to have sex. Right now.
I urgently tugged off Kate’s top. Lifted her skirt. Removed her panties. And then we began fucking, in missionary position. There was a full moon, and it was beautiful to fuck in the open, with the sand scratching our bodies. We really didn’t care if anyone saw us. Initially, we were still partially clothed, but—and this is where getting-caught-up-in-the-moment comes in—we decided it would be more fun to take off all our clothes. Why? Oh, you know, just so that if somebody did come by, we would have absolutely no way of covering up in time (hmm, I guess).
After a little while fucking naked in missionary position, we switched: Kate straddled atop me, facing the ocean. Her tits were bobbing in the moonlight now, her hair billowing in the wind. I rammed my cock into her from underneath, really hard, and we both screamed and moaned and cried at the tops of our lungs. We came together that night: she first, bucking against me, yelling my name. Then I spurted inside her (we were not fucking other people at that time, and we had both just got tested). It was fucking hot, let me tell you.
It was pure luck that we didn’t get caught. We had finished—and put on most of our clothes—by the time the police beach buggy arrived. The buggy roared across the beach, headlights blazing in our direction, and we would certainly have had no time to stop if we had still been fucking.
Like Joy and Phil, I would have blamed it all on the alcohol.
Anyway, the officer pulled up in his buggy, and shined a flashlight on our faces.
“So…”, he began, “What are you two up to tonight?”
I gulped, guiltily. “Um, chilling out?”
He gave us a very knowing look. “All right,” he said. “You kids have fun.” And then he sped away.
Phew.
10 Comments
May 5, 2009 at 9:26 am
I am positive that, even with the repercussions, the sex on the lawn of Windsor Castle was the best sex EVER.
I wonder how many copycats there will be?
May 5, 2009 at 9:56 am
I’m sure it was really hot. Hmm, it’s going to be hard to think of a way to beat that one. Sex in a public phone box? Nope, a couple already did that last year apparently!
May 5, 2009 at 10:27 pm
ReallY? The last time I was on the beach at night, I wasn’t even doing anything and a cop shooed me away because “it’s closed at night.”
May 5, 2009 at 10:42 pm
My family has a place at the Jersey shore. It’s a block from the beach, and the idea of sneaking down to the lifeguard stand late at night to fuck has not been lost on me.
Have to add that one to the Life List.
May 6, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Jg: I was also surprised they didn’t mind us being on the beach. This was near Sandy Hook – a great place to go for some fun under the stars.
Wolf biter: Funny, I was reading your Life List only the other day. Sex on the beach should definitely be on it! Shouldn’t be too difficult, now that summer is coming up.
May 10, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Yes, now I just need to find someone to take to the beach with me!
May 11, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Hmm, I have a few ideas on that!
May 20, 2009 at 5:47 pm
I love your blog.
May 21, 2009 at 7:35 pm
Why, thankyou so much!
June 22, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Yeah, this is the best “adventurous sex location” ever. Do you think the Queen took a peek outside?
I’ve had some adventurous moments but public sex is one of my deficiencies. I have yet to have sex in a movie theater, at a concert, on a rooftop, on a beach, on a golf course, in an elevator…the list goes on. I have had sex in a churchyard though, it was where I went parking when I was in high school…